Yesterday I meet up with my french friend who came over to London for few days. One of her travelling companions asked me how long have I been here. It's been 8 years I started... The next question came up on its own, WHY I have been so long?
The truth is - I didn't meant to. I didn't even wanted to came to London anyway! But at the beginning it was kind of escape place, to hang on and move on. After finishing my art degree all I wanted was to travel around the world! Gosh.. So 2 weeks after I arrived I was robbed and had nothing apart from my mobile phone. No money, no passport, nothing.. So beginnings were pretty tough. Then I had nice job in the pub and lived with owner family for a year, and they treated me like one of their kindred, then I had been in a relationship with a london boy for a year, then I got really good job, year later I went travelling to south east Asia and got back to that nice job for further few years. At that time I was all high! Job in a City, wearing heels and ladies suit for work, being promoted at work, getting to be really good at what I've learned, getting management position.. I was beaming with pride! 3 years later my life have been exactly, what londoners would describe as: work hard, play hard! It was me. Schoreditch was just round the corner, lots of nice bars, trendy markets, extravagant people, unique galleries, pop up shows and exhibitions. Someone told me at that time, someone from outside this way of life, and outside of knowing what london's life is like - that I will burn myself up. I didn't believe it.
And then it happened. I started feeling really bad. Ongoing headaches, dizziness, chronic tiredness, and then anxiety... which finally led to real diagnose:
- You have a brain tumour" - I've been told..
My life went upside down. I thought it was life sentence. That I'm going to die.
Yet - i'm stil here.
Yes - I'm happy and grateful for that :)
But I'm still in London!
Why??
I's hectic, busy and overcrowded. People are rude and friends live all over town and it always take ages to get somewhere. To work, to see friends, to see some good exhibition.. I'm starting to feel fed up of all this shit.
And the jobs - they always want people who multitask, who work well under pressure and are enthusiastic about their job! Amazing - for me its an ideal description of a robot who will do all shit in a slavery way and smile while doing it! That's how I perceive London today! :(
I start to fell that my time here has been postponed too long in here.
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